I am currently in my third year at university and the past two and a half years have been absolutely brilliant. I have been studying a course that I love, made so many friends and have made amazing memories. Although it has been an incredible experience till date, it has also been extremely challenging at times, some of these challenges the result of me being a perfectionist. This article discusses the ways that being a perfectionist has been harmful for me and what I have done about this.
One way in which I have been a perfectionist is when it has come to my academic studies. In school and sixth form, I have always been quite a high achieving student, and I wanted to make sure that this carried on whilst at university. Whilst it wasn’t a bad idea setting myself high targets, it sometimes got to the stage where I would spend more time than necessary in ensuring that every answer in every assignment was word to word perfect. I would usually write up assignments completely from scratch if I found even small errors. Furthermore, after exams I would be overly critical of any mistakes I made, I had the attitude that it would be the end of the world if I didn’t score a first in every exam. This has led me to worry about the small things concerning my degree more often than was required, which caused a lot of unnecessary stress.
A lot of the time, being a perfectionist at university is academic related, especially at a university like Warwick where standards are exceptionally high. However, I have also in the past set myself unrealistic expectations when it has come to getting involved in university life. I have taken part in various societies and have even taken up three different committee positions, all of which have helped me develop a range of skills. However, in my first and second year at university, I used to beat myself up whenever I missed a society event, even if I had a valid reason. Setting unrealistic expectations on how many extra-curricular activities I should do in a given week has led me to sometimes take on too much at once, leading to the problem of a burnout. It is worth remembering that terms at university are around 10 weeks, and it is very easy to burnout in week 5 if you are not careful.
Although I have still made sure I have aimed high and remained ambitious with the targets that I set, here are two main things that I have done to overcome being a perfectionist and ensure that my targets and goals are kept realistic.
- Share my progress with others – Recently, I have sent a weekly review to a few of my close friends on what went well in the week, what could have gone better and aims for the next week. This is something that I would highly recommend for anyone to do, and this has had two massive benefits for me.
Firstly, by reflecting on things which didn’t go so well and mistakes I have made, I have been able to gain an appreciation of the fact that things won’t always go perfectly, and that’s OK. Secondly, I have been able to get opinions by other people on whether my targets are realistic and whether I am being too harsh on myself when things haven’t gone to plan. - Constantly reminding myself of the bigger picture – Being a perfectionist can sometimes mean that you can get hung up over very small details, and this can prevent you from looking at the bigger picture. For example, I used to spend too much time on perfecting assignments that were only 2% of the module without realising that this won’t have much of a big impact on my mark for that module, never mind on my degree. Now, whenever I make a mistake or am stressed about something, I ask myself “Will this matter in 2 years’ time”. If the answer is no, then it is not worth wasting tonnes of energy stressing about it. Being able to look at the big picture has allowed me to maintain focus of the things that are important and not stress over every small thing.
Remember that aiming high and setting ambitious targets is not at all a bad thing, and it is something that I would highly encourage! But remember to be realistic and set goals which are achievable, as setting yourself unrealistic targets and trying to be too perfect all the time can be unhealthy for your mental health in the long run.
I originally wrote this article for the Warwick Boar
Niraj's blogs 
Being a perfectionist is hard, I think in some ways we are all perfectionists for one reason or another. It is good that you have set things to do to help overcome how you are feeling
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Defintely! It is really easy to beat ourselves up too often if we make mistakes when we are perfectionists I think
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I am a perfectionist and it can be hard work not to get fixated on every little thing. My son is following my footsteps and I’m trying to help him realise perfection isn’t everything but it is OK to still aim high. Thinking of the bigger picture is a great idea.
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Being aware of the bigger picture is always good and easier said than done! And definitely its still great to aim high 🙂
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I was once told – don’t get it right, get it written. Something that I think about each time I sit down to write a post. I have a habit of building the post up in my head, needing/wanting it to be perfect when actually if I trust my instincts I’m able to get the bulk of it completed without overthinking it. Before going back to edit.
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This is exactly the same with me!! When I write a new blog post for the first time, I focus more on just getting things written down rather than it being perfect first time, and I will edit it later!
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I think sharing your progress is a sensible thing to do IF you have people around you who are truly supportive. Some people are threatened by others’ success. For myself, I try to aim for ‘good enough’ rather than perfect because otherwise I often find it difficult to start projects.
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I definitely agree with this! You need people that are truly supportive and want the best for you
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Being a perfectionist definitely has its benefits. I on the other hand am a finisher and need your skills. Looking at the bigger picture definitely helps
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Yes I agree that being a perfectionist has its benefits! And looking at the bigger picture is so important as it helps with gaining perspective on things
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My son is a perfectionist and we have had to get him to start sharing his progress with us like you suggest as he obsesses over the smallest details and getting it absolutely right.
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I remember being like that as well when I was young! Sharing my progress to others is what helped me
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I used to be a perfectionist too but have been less worried about being one since I’ve had kids. Your tips on reflecting on things which didn’t go so well and mistakes you make and reminding that you are just human is so important to others who are struggling
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Yes definitely, I agree that everyone makes mistakes and no-one is perfect, but reflecting on things which didn’t go well is so important
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Being a perfectionist is hard but sometimes you just need to let go and accept you have done your best
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I definitely agree!
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Ahhhh I know the struggle but I’ve worked hard to also appreciate the imperfections and work with stuff slowly – nothing can be totally perfect – and especially not fast!
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Yes it can be a struggle for sure! But I am glad you have worked hard to appreciate the imperfections of life 🙂
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Sometimes having someone to talk about how you are feeling really can make all the difference, people can help you take that step back you need.
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I agree – talking to others can really help!
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I get this completely, as I am exactly the same and it can be a real struggle in terms of time keeping as I spend ages of things sometimes x
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I am the same, so I can relate to the fact that it can be a real struggle!
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It’s good that you are able to write down how you are feeling and the challenges you have had to face.
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Thank you!
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My husband is a bit of a perfectionist and it definitely has its good and bad points. He really struggles letting the small things slide and seeing the bigger picture.
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Yes i agree, it can be hard seeing the bigger picture sometimes
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Being a perfectionist is not a bad thing as it sets a standard for your work .However when it becomes an obsession or starts to take over your life than its time to take stock and do something about it. Glad that you are able to share with friends your thoughts and taking support from them.
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I agree – you don’t want it to get to a point where it takes over your life in a negative way!
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