This post will be raw and come straight from the heart. As some of you may know already from previous blog posts, anxiety is something that I have struggled with for a while now. Sometimes I feel that anxiety is like another person that I have to put up with. Although a lot of things related to my anxiety is personal to me, I want to use this blog post to express my feelings and talk to my anxiety directly as if it was a person. I will in particular say 4 things that I would tell my anxiety if it was a person. Note that this blog post will be specific to my own experiences with anxiety, however it is worth nothing that everyone’s experience with anxiety will be different.
I hate how you are so unpredictable
There are many things I don’t like about you, but the thing I hate the most is how you come in my life in unpredictable times. Whether it’s before I wake up, at the dinner table, or even in the middle of a working day you decide to arrive at the times when I least expect it. Furthermore, you are also unpredictable on how much you upset me, sometimes I can brush you off within a couple of minutes, and other times I am hurt for days on end. I guess the reason why you decide to behave like this is that so I can’t prepare for your arrival. And this is what makes things so hard.
There are some days where you win
I absolutely hate admitting this but there are some days where you get the better of me. Days where you make your presence known early on in the day, and then slowly but surely impose yourself and overwhelm me. Or even days where you come in an aggressive fashion during the middle of the day. It is these days where I struggle to concentrate, get annoyed for no reason, lose motivation and what’s worse is that these often lead to sleepless nights. These days are horrible, and when days like these happen, all I hope is that I can have a good sleep so I don’t have to think about you, but even then your presence makes it impossible sometimes.
Do not underestimate me
I know you get immense satisfaction on the days where you win, and there must be times where you have felt that you have control over me. But I would like to make one thing clear, do not underestimate me, as I will never give you the satisfaction of beating me over the long term. There have been many times in the past where I have faced pressure situations and you have had the opportunity to completely overwhelm me, only for me to turn the tables on you and overcome the situation. And the reality is, you actually haven’t stopped me from achieving the things that I have set out to achieve, and I am determined for it to stay that way. I hope that makes it clear to you that I am motivated to beat you in the long term.
Thank you for everything, you have helped me in ways you probably haven’t realised
As weird and unexpected as this may be, I don’t think I could have a chance to speak to you and not thank you. With you being in my life, I have developed skills such as resilience, adaptability, problem solving as well as many more. You have also helped me make steps to become the best version of myself. I don’t know if making me a better person was your true intention all along. However, whether or not that was your intention, I cannot help but somehow thank you and I’ll probably look back in 10 years’ time thinking about how you have indirectly helped me.
If anxiety was a person, what would you tell it?