Recently, I started my journey of fully unmasking and showing my authentic self. So far, it has been a journey that has been extremely rewarding at times. However, as expected there has been a lot of challenges as well. In this blog post, I will talk about 4 particular challenges that I have found comes with unmasking.
Reversing masking behaviours
When people go in the journey of fully unmasking, they will identify ways in which they have masked in the past. Normally, the easy part is identifying these masked behaviours. However, the part which is significantly harder is reversing these masked behaviours. This is because masking is something that neurodivergent individuals have done for their whole life to the point it becomes a default behaviour. Therefore, when it comes to unmasking, it is effectively having to reverse behaviours that have become a default throughout your life.
One example for me looking to reverse a masking behaviour is when it comes to not worrying about how people would react. Throughout my life I would hold back and mask because I would worry about how people would react otherwise. Therefore, one big part of my unmasking journey is to worry less about what other people think. A lot of time and thought has been put into how I can go about this change in mindset.
Unmasking is an exhausting process
It’s easy to think that all that unmasking involves is being yourself. Whilst that is the case for many people, the journey taken to get to that point is long and exhausting. During the journey of unmasking, you have to think about ways you have masked in the past and then find ways to reverse those masked behaviours. Furthermore, unmasking in a neurotypical world that is not always designed for neurodivergent people can feel extremely risky at times. These are just some of many considerations that needs to be taken into account when unmasking. Overall, there is a lot to think about when it comes to unmasking, and the stress that can be involved due to this means that unmasking is a truly exhausting process.
For me, the main thing that I find exhausting about unmasking is that I have to do the journey alongside day-to-day life. This means that I have to balance it alongside work and other responsibilities outside of work. Managing a busy schedule with work and outside of work is exhausting enough as it is for me. Thinking about unmasking alongside my busy schedule makes it a journey that is very exhausting.
There is no clear path on how to unmask.
With a lot of things in life there is a clear path towards achieving something. For example, when it comes to achieving a university degree, there is a clear structure to the course you study to achieve the degree at the end. However, there is no such thing as a clear path or a step-by-step instruction manual on how to unmask. In reality, unmasking is something where you make up as you go along. As unmasking is like stepping into the unknown due to having masked all your life, there is a lot of trial and error involved.
For me, I have tried to use the fact that there is no clear path as an opportunity to embrace the journey and see where it takes me. However, the uncertainty that comes from the fact that there is no clear defined path is something I find stressful at times, as it makes it hard to judge whether I am on the right track
You end up grieving for your past self
As mentioned before, part of the unmasking journey involves thinking about ways in which you have masked in the past. As part of this, you will ultimately think ways in which masking has held you back and has added barriers to your life. In addition, you end up thinking about what could have been if you didn’t have to resort to masking. These are difficult feelings to have to navigate, as you are essentially grieving for your past self.
For me, looking back at all the ways I have masked in the past has been tough, as I certainly feel that a lot of things could have been different if I didn’t have to resort to masking. However, it was important for me to accept and acknowledge these feelings rather than dwell on them. Accept and acknowledging these difficult feelings has allowed me to move forward with my unmasking journey.
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