Part 7: Reflections on unmasking — Thinking about my friendships

During this unmasking journey, something I have thought about a lot is friendships. For me, my friendships are an important part of my life and my wellbeing. In this blog post, I will talk about 4 specific things I have thought about.

Taking on too many friendships.

Upon reflection, one thing that was obvious was that prior to my unmasking journey, I was trying to take on too many friendships. In part 2 of this blog series, I talked about social acceptance and what I think it looks like for me. In the past, I thought that to be socially accepted, I needed to have lots of friends. That mindset meant that I was trying to maintain more friendships than what was optimal. As a result, my energy was being stretched more thinly, and I wasn’t giving enough time and energy to the friendships that were meaningful. I still believe that the quantity of friends does matter, as it is important for me to have lots of people in my support system. However, I am now trying to strike a balance between quantity and quality of friendships and be socially accepted in a way that works for me.

Energy levels to maintain friendships.

The unmasking journey has taken up a lot of energy. Therefore, my energy levels for friendships have been lower. I would say that this has had an impact, as I have generally found it harder to initiate catch ups and stay in touch with friends. However, this has almost been a blessing in disguise, as it has forced me to prioritise quality of interactions over quantity. In particular, in around June time, I was speaking to someone at work and I mentioned that I was struggling to juggle so many catch ups. Her words were “Do you need so many catch ups? Think about the purpose of them”. These words have stuck with me, as it has emphasised the importance of being intentional with my catch ups and friendships in general. Overall, a key aspect of being successful in the unmasking journey is to be intentional with how I use my energy, and that directly applies to friendships.

How open I am to my friends about the unmasking journey.

One of the biggest things I have thought about is how much to open up to my friends about my unmasking journey. This is a very tough question, and there is no easy answer. Ultimately, the unmasking journey is a big part of my life, and having support from my friends is important. However, I don’t want the unmasking journey to be something that dominates every single conversation I have with my friends. There is a risk that if I am too open about my unmasking journey then it will end up dominating conversations. This can lead to things becoming too one sided, and I am a firm believer that friendships are a two-way street and should never be one sided. However, there is also the risk that if I am not very open about my unmasking journey then my needs won’t get met and I won’t get the support that I needed. Therefore, there it isn’t easy to determine how open I should be with my friends when it comes to the unmasking journey. In my opinion, I think this is why it is so important to have lots of people in your support system, as then you can afford to be more open with some people and less open with others, rather than being extremely open to everyone.

How supportive my friends are with the unmasking journey.

One thing I am extremely grateful is having wonderful friends that have been supportive of my unmasking journey. Firstly, I do think I am moving in the right direction when it comes to being my authentic self around my friends, even though I am not 100% there. Furthermore, what has also been great is that is hasn’t been too difficult for my friends to know what to do to be supportive. It is easy to fall in the trap of thinking that because the unmasking journey is this big and stressful journey, it is hard to know what to do to support. However, it is the small and easy to implement things that make the most difference, and something that my friends have done well. Furthermore, the unmasking journey has also make it clear that you don’t have to be neurodivergent to understand the challenges that neurodivergent people face. Most my friends are neurotypical and still have found it fairly easy to know what to do to support, even though unmasking is a journey that is more specific to neurodivergent individuals.