As an autistic person, I have needs that are individual and unique to me. The unmasking journey has emphasised the importance for me to have my needs met as far as possible for me to thrive. However, having my needs met is easier said than done. In this blog post, I will talk about this in more detail, and in particular highlight some of the challenges I have faced in having my needs met.
As mentioned in the first paragraph, being autistic means that some of my needs are ones that are individual and unique to me. For example, when it comes to meeting friends, I ideally need advance notice of any plans as I get stressed over spontaneous plans. Furthermore, when it comes to the workplace, I require written instructions for any tasks given to me as that is how I best process information. These examples are a high-level overview of some of my needs. Whilst some of my needs have nothing to do with being autistic, others are. However, it is important that all my needs can get met as far as possible, and not just the needs that are autism related.
Coming back to the unmasking journey, one of the reasons for unmasking is to be able to thrive in all aspects of life, as masking in the past held me back with this. The main challenge I face when it comes to thriving is navigating a predominantly neurotypical society. This is something that takes up a lot of energy, which gives me less energy to do the things that will help me thrive. I therefore want to spend less energy in navigating a neurotypical society and have more energy in doing the things that will help me thrive. Having my needs met as far as possible is therefore two-fold. Firstly, it means that I don’t have to spend an excessive amount of energy and stress in navigating a neurotypical society, as having my needs met will directly help me with that. Having my needs met will also give me the foundations to thrive. This is why having my needs met is so important when it comes to my unmasking journey and being able to thrive.
However, having my needs met is easier said than done. One of the challenges I have faced when it comes to having my needs met is the fact that some of my needs are different to the norm. Therefore, others have to adjust in some shape or form to accommodate these needs. My needs when it comes to friendships is a good example to illustrate this. For me, having direct and clear communication is essential rather than simply a good to have as I struggle to read social cues and hints. This is different compared to most other friendships where social cues and hints are used a lot. This means that some of my friends have to slightly adjust the way they communicate to accommodate my needs or even meet in the middle. Knowing that others would have to slightly adjust to accommodate some of my needs that are different to the norm makes it that bit harder to start the conversation about my needs.
Another challenge I have faced when it comes to having my needs accommodated for is having the conversation about my needs with the relevant people. There are multiple aspects to the conversation which I struggle with. Firstly, I sometimes struggle with understanding precisely what my exact needs are which makes it hard to explain to others. I strongly believe that this is because of masking for so long to the point where I don’t genuinely know what my exact needs are. Furthermore, I also struggle with being direct and upfront when it comes to what my needs are and how they can be accommodated for. Being direct and upfront is important when it comes to conversations like these, but what I find challenging is wording my thoughts in a way that comes across as being upfront but not aggressive at the same time.
Going forward, the main thing I want to work on is being upfront when it comes to having conversations about my needs and how these can be accommodated for. Being upfront is something I find difficult because I tend to worry about how the other person might take it. However, something I am trying to remember is that if I am clear and upfront on what I need, then I am more likely to get a clear and upfront response from the other person, which benefits everyone. As part of my unmasking journey I want to show my authentic self, and this can only happen if I am clear about the accommodations I need. Ensuring my needs are accommodated for is a two way street as it requires effort from both me and the people I have conversations with about my needs. Therefore, I want to make sure I am doing my bit as effectively as possible in terms of being upfront about my needs.
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